Showing posts with label Body Image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Body Image. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Clothes were expensive, must fit into them.

I recently discovered that I could find out what google search terms led people to my blog. One big one was - "detox." If you've been reading this blog you know I don't often blog about dieting or juice cleanses. However, now that the bar, and post-bar vacation (post soon) are over, the "detox" googlers of the world may find something relevant on this blog. It wont involve counting calories or crash dieting, but it will involve a whole-hearted attempt at a healthy lifestyle. 

A couple months ago I was pulling on a pair of jeans when - SNAP - the belt loop came off. I thought "wow these jeans must be old," and sewed the loop back on. I didn't start to really worry until this happened with another pair of jeans, then another. It was then I accepted that mayyyybe I had gained a bit of weight. I resolved to do something about it. I ate well for about three days and then the weekend - and the DC bars - beckoned. "Come have fun...." they said. My resolve failed. My jeans still didn't fit well, so I resolved again. Once more the bars beckoned....and again my resolve failed. Are you getting the picture? 






This is not the first time this has happened. There are two elements in my life I have identified as weight-gain-causing culprits: 

1. Living in a city 
2. Being in a happy relationship

I know this because when one or the other of these elements occurs - I gain weight. 

Cities: I am a city girl at heart. I want to be in the middle of it all, meet all the people, and yes - eat all the food. As soon as I hear about a great new restaurant, I want to eat there. That place that makes great cocktails? Make me something with bourbon please! Happy hour? Okay! Add together all this and it's surprising I can still fit into ANY of my clothes. 

Happy Relationships: I have to admit it - I'm really happy in my relationship. We both like to eat. It's also hard that he could consume the entire contents of the Crispy Creme store down the street and fail to gain an ounce. Le Sigh. Seriously though...I know you all have experienced the - we'll just watch a movie on a Thursday night....oh holy hell how did we finish two bottles of wine - phenomenon. 

I have further proof these elements are the cause of weight gain. The beginning of my 3L year, about exactly a year ago, I moved back to Bloomington after spending the summer in DC. Boyfriend, a year above me, had graduated and stayed in DC. Living in Bloomington alone until December, I easily got back to my ideal weight. I didn't diet. I just ate like single Brittany and didn't go out generally more than once a week. I'd been to every bar in Bloomington about 90 times before, so I didn't feel the need to go again. I would still order Indian food on a weekly basis, I was actually running less than usual - I simply wasn't drinking much. I also tend to eat a lot of veggie- based dinners by myself. 




Side note: I love squash. I ate it at least twice a week for dinner. 

Boyfriend thinks stuffed squash is a side-dish you serve with a london broil. 

So that has led me to now - where I am just not happy with the way my clothes are fitting. Let me tell you - I have invested way too much money in my clothes to buy an entirely new wardrobe. So there has to be a lifestyle change. like I said...I have made half-hearted attempts at this about ten times before. So let me chronicle a few things that don't work for me. 

1. Weight Watchers: I think this works for other people. The fact that it didn't work for me? That probably had a lot to do with the fact that I stockpiled all my points so that I could drink 4 whiskey bourbons on Friday nights. I don't think that is the intended product usage? I also don't think its a great program for serious runners. Although again, maybe it would have been if I hadn't stockpiled all my points for dinner/ drinks. Attempting to subsist on grapes and greek yogurt until 8pm so you can have vodka pasta and red wine for dinner is likely to put a damper on any metabolism. 

2. Attempting to out-exercise a bad diet.  This worked for me until I turned 25. It's sad that it doesn't anymore. As long as I was running 20 or more miles a week, I could eat what I wanted. No more. The summer before my 3L year I tried running over 35 miles a week to out-do my happy hour diet. I ended up gaining weight AND shinsplints. This winter I gained weight while training for and running a marathon. My friend, at some point, 

You cannot out-exercise a bad diet.

3. My Fitness Pal. Again, I think this works for other people. My issue is the way it calculates calories. When you exercise, it lets you eat all the calories you worked off to hit some goal of calorie balance every day. This is fine, unless you exercise a lot. A 10 mile run would earn me a crazy amount of extra calories, which I then felt free to stuff my face with in the form of chipotle and IPAs. Even if you are burning a lot with exercise, your body probably will gain weight in the face of that delicious onslaught. Also, I cheat at My Fitness Pal. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I absolutely lie to it. So that makes it useless. I think for me, counting calories stresses me out and puts my focus on weight instead of health. The only times I've been able to lose weight are the times when I don't focus on it too much. 

Here is what does work, and its SHOCKING: Eating well and cutting out alcohol most of the week. This breaks my heart a little because I like red wine. I like white wine. I also like steak. I loooove cheese. But if I couple a reasonable amount of exercise with a good diet, I immediately start to feel slimmer, I feel healthier, and I am a nicer person. 

Lately, I have felt sluggish. I don't feel that great about myself, and I feel irritable quite a bit. I know that it's going to be hard. However, this time I have to make a wholehearted effort to do something about the situation.

Let me also say this is NOT ABOUT LOSING WIEGHT, although I do want all my skinny  jeans to fit well again. It is about feeling better, healthier, and happier. In all honestly the point where I feel at my best probably isn't more than a couple pounds difference from where I am now. However, the point at where I feel the most energized and fulfilled is pretty far away from my eating habits as of late. So with all that said - here is my plan - which I am sharing with you as a way to keep myself accountable, and perhaps to encourage others who may not need to lose a great deal of weight, but simply want to be healthier. 




So, I'm going to try my common sense rules: 

1. Limit alcohol. 

2. Healthy food. One or two fun meals a week. By healthy I mean this: cook it yourself, eat lots of veggies, don't dump the whole container of goat cheese in the salad (Yes, I do this). 

3. Moderate exercise. For me, this means 4- 5 runs a week coupled with some yoga and strength training. 

That's it.  I know it will be immensely harder than it looks. But I know from experience that once I start feeling better, its easier to keep on track. 

I wont: count calories, eat fried foods, or attempt to balance a trip to Pitango (their hazelnut gelato drowned in espresso = life-changing) with a six mile run. 

So we'll see how this goes! 



Thursday, June 13, 2013

Disarm: Thursday Thoughts on (Body Image)

I didn't start this blog to share my metaphysical musings with you. I generally don't think I'm horribly metaphysical anyway. Give me a few glasses of red wine and I will probably go there (and you'll wish I hadn't), but right now my head is mostly full of useless bar facts. By the way, in case you were wondering, in Maryland, even if you catch your wife and her lover doing the tango in your bed, DON'T KILL THEM. No voluntary manslaughter exception in Maryland. So yeah....now I know that. 

Back to the point. While I'm certainly no philosopher, there is one thing I consistently think about that I feel is a valid topic on this blog. That is that ever dreaded discussion: body image. Self Esteem, Self Love, being comfortable in your own skin. The topic most exhausted by women everywhere. 

Let me first say, I HATE this discussion in general. We've heard it ALL. It goes something like this: 




First of all, Marilyn Monroe was not actually a size 12. I HATE THIS MYTH. Have you ever tried on a vintage dress? I rest my case. I just don't like being lied to - even in the name of self esteem. 




SEE. Just to clear that up. 

To get to the point: All the mixed messages weigh on us everyday. DONT obsess over your weight, but don't be overweight. LOVE your curves...but just ten extra pounds increases your risk of heart disease. If you exercise while you're pregnant you'll have less baby weight to lose. Pasta is the DEVIL. Kim K better get her shit together. 

I'll tell you right now I don't have the answer as to how to mitigate the damage all this does to our psyches. All I know is it drives me insane. Its also the reason I shop. It's probably the reason you shop. Retailers have figured out that we are easily susceptible to "thigh slimming" shorts and promises that a new hair product or cosmetic will work wonders. Haven't you ever wondered about the size inflation at Jcrew and Anthropologie? It makes us (me included) feel good that we fit into whatever size they put on the clothing. 

In the interest of metaphysical honesty: I'm insecure about my appearance sometimes. Not all the time. I mean, I definitely have those moments when I look in a mirror and think, "I look good!" But I also have those moments when I don't treat myself like I should. 

I could go into a rant about society being a horrible place - or tell you that I think most of the body image issues today are caused by other women (I DO think this). But this is the only thing I want to say: 

Take responsibility. 

Society isn't changing. The people in it are going to judge you everyday, from all corners. We can berate society for its conflicting crap, or decide to take responsibility for our own mental well-being and healthy body image. It may be society's "fault" that you feel bad about yourself, but the blame game will get you nowhere. I have to put the blame aside and focus on what I can do to feel at ease. 

Here are the things I must accept: 

I'm never going to be tall.

I'm never going to look like this


That is O.k.a.y. 

But I can also do what is in my power to make myself the happiest I can possibly be. For me, that is generally keeping to a healthy diet and staying active. For you? I don't know. It's what works for you.

Thats the thing, some people enjoy working as hard as possible to look like Gisele! Some women truly do love their curves. 

You will not find the answer to this in a store. You won't find it in any juice cleanse. You are only going to find it by working at taking responsibility for your mental state. Setting all health goals aside...this is my only new goal, to be 



I think, maybe this should be the general goal? To feel comfortable and happy? I think the only way to do it is individually. You have to take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions concerning your body. You can blame society for your low self esteem, or you can work to change it. 

I am not on my high horse. I have not yet accomplished this. I'm sure today I'll think about the size of my thighs at least once every hour. I'm going to take banishing those thoughts one step at a time.